What it’s like feeding a two-year old.

Imagine walking into a cave, where there resides a hungry bear. Now imagine being naked with a big bloody steak strapped to your chest. That’s what it’s like when I’m trying to make a meal for my two-year old.

My son doesn’t talk very much still. Well, he talks, just not in English most of the time. This would be fine, except when it comes to hunger he fails to communicate this with me until he is starving. You would think he was near death starving by the way he acts. He claws at my thighs, screams bloody murder and throws himself on the floor while I’m trying to prepare his meal. When I finally do sit him down at his big boy table with his lunch that I fight off a snarling wolf to make, he doesn’t want to fucking eat. He picks at his apples, pokes at his sandwich, and eventually dumps his whole plate of the floor.

Fucking. Kill. Me.

I miss the days where I just whipped out my boob, popped it in his mouth and he was happy. Can I build up my milk supply again so he can just exclusively breast feed? No? He has to have food too? Damnit….

For some reasons toddlers don’t like to eat, except for when there isn’t much food around that is readily available. Like during a two-hour long car trip to Tucson. I bring snacks on such trips, but of course he doesn’t want those. I have to try not to get pulled over for a speeding ticket while trying to find a fucking Taco Bell or something.

When I’m getting ready to run some errands, I try to make sure Kylan gets a nice lunch or breakfast before we go. I mean the kid can’t eat happy meals every time we go somewhere. Usually he isn’t interested. And then as soon as we get to the grocery store, the starving bear emerges yet again. I almost always end up at the check out lane with a couple of open boxes of something. Fruit snacks or yogurt. Once the cashier asked me if I really wanted to only buy one banana. Nope, that was a full bunch when I first got it. Now please make sure you charge me for them. I don’t need theft of bananas added to my already shitty day, thanks!

I try to be one of those moms that makes sure my kid rarely gets any junk food. I don’t think most people understand how difficult that can be. I don’t mean it’s hard to prepare good food, because that’s the easy part. The hard part is trying to convince your toddler to show some patience while mommy tries to finish making his fruit salad or home-made macaroni and cheese. Maybe they like the taste of tears in their food? Hell if I know… Anyway, sometimes it’s just tempting to throw a bag of Doritos at them and tell them to go sit the fuck down and watch Yo Gabba Gabba.

There are a lot of challenges that come with raising a toddler. I never thought in a million years that getting them to eat would be the hardest one!


The beast poking at his goldfish.


2 thoughts on “What it’s like feeding a two-year old.

  1. I feel your pain. My son turned 2 in January. I can’t get any vegetables in him, apart from tomatoes and cucumber. He won’t touch pasta, eggs or cheese. He would live on ham, sausages, bacon and chips (fries) if I let him. My mum tells me not to worry and that it’s “just a phase”. Easier said than done!!!!

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