My kid has a fucked up sleeping schedule.

I have a confession, one I am not easily admitting to. My son has completely failed at sleeping through the night since he was born. The boy went from waking up every two hours, as is expected from a helpless soul sucking infant, to still waking up at least twice a night by his first birthday. After I was done sucking in all the awesomeness of his first birthday, I informed him he would be sleeping better. Or else. Well, he saw right through my empty threats, because he is still sleeping like shit. For the last year we have had on and off periods of him sleeping well, and at some point it appeared to stick until two months ago. The little bugger started waking up twice a night, yet again. At first, I was convinced I would pull my hair out due to frustration. But I decided to accept my fate of waking up in the middle of the night, because I just do not have it in me to have him cry it out. I thought I was more stubborn than he, but I was so, so wrong about that. It wasn’t all that bad, because at least he was in a good mood in the morning and through out the day. I could live with that.

Then, about a week and a half ago, he decided he was going to start sleeping all night. That morning when I woke up and realized I slept for 8 hours without waking up once, I did a happy dance. I even had to happy dance my way to the bathroom, because my bladder hadn’t gone that long without a release since my first trimester of pregnancy. Three days later, I wasn’t so happy anymore. Why? Because even though he was sleeping all night, he was being in a shit mood all.fucking.day. I threw my hands in the air and asked God, why motherfucker, whyyyyyy???!!!! It seemed so unfair. So, I have to choose between an interrupted night’s sleep with a happy toddler, or a good night’s sleep with a demon baby? Fuck me! I was praying he would just decide he didn’t like this any better than I did and go back to his old sleeping habits.

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The beast during his slumber.

And sure enough, last night, he started waking up again. And guess what? He has been in a fantastic mood all day. Yippie!

I know what you’re thinking… Why am I not taking charge of this situation with his sleep schedule better? Because I really don’t feel like pushing my luck, that’s why. I was a cranky baby. I was a hellish, jealous, possessive toddler. I hit, bite, scream, threw shit, the whole nine. According to the rules of karma, I should have a complete demon child. But my kid is so awesome 95% of the time. He has manners, he’s sweet, he cuddles with me, he only pretends to bite to get giggles out of me, and he’s usually in a fantastic mood. So, I’m going to deal with this one thing that kinda sucks. I can’t have it all. And I also still love cuddling him in the middle of the night. Sue me!

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