When I became pregnant, I signed up for email updates on my pregnancy through Baby Center. Several months later while checking on my weekly update of my baby’s growth, I noticed they had an online community. I created a username and a profile and entered my baby’s due date. After I was finished signing up, I saw that I was automatically put into a group within the community called “March 2011 birth club”. I was pretty excited, because I could get advice from other soon-to-be moms, follow other women’s pregnancies, share baby bump pictures, etc.
The birth board was pretty awesome and easy-going for a while…until everyone had given birth to their babies. That’s when the drama began. It was a combination of sleep exhaustion, the yearn to be the perfect mom, and the huge difference in parenting styles.
There are also thousands of active members on a birth board. Because of the large amount of women, you have a lot of differing views. You also have a huge combination of kind moms, brutally honest moms, bitch moms, and attention whore moms.
For all of these reasons, there are five topics you don’t want to start a thread on in the birth board. All hell breaks loose, users report other users, threads get shut down, etc. Funny thing is, I’m telling you all never to post about these, and yet these were all the kinds of threads that I enjoyed when my drama llama was hungry!
- Rear facing car seats or forward facing car seats. There is a breed of mom out there known as the “car seat safety nazi”. These women have good intentions, and are passionate about baby’s being safe in the car seat. However, what makes them nazis about it are their tendencies to be overbearing and snarky. They’ll comment with 500 articles and/or YouTube videos on why rear facing until like 13 years of age is safer, and will most likely accuse you of being okay with your baby dying in a car accident if you’ve thought of switching your baby to the forward facing position. And then you have the “I really could care less if rear facing is safer, but I will make a bunch of stupid ass excuses as to why I chose to forward face anyway” moms. They’ll say, “I chose to forward face, and I have no shame for it”. But then they claim they had good reasons to forward face their baby; he or she would scream in the car, they were upset because they couldn’t see anyone, etc. Now the other group of moms, the “who gives a shit what other people do, it’s not my kid” moms, typically stay out of it. And by stay out of it, I mean they sit back with a bag of popcorn and enjoy the entertainment.
- Cloth diapering. Seems like an innocent topic, right? FUCK. NO. Cloth diapering moms do it for three reasons; either they’re total hippies and want to save the planet, their babies can’t wear disposable diapers because of their sensitive skin, or because it saves them a lot of money(I considered it for this reason, for like five seconds. I couldn’t get passed the thought of scooping out shit and washing diapers). Now, if you’re dealing with type B or C cloth diapering moms, you’re fine. But the hippie moms? They’re the ones that invade the cloth diapering threads. If you use disposable diapers, you’re destroying the planet. Period. There’s no two ways about it! And you really don’t want to debate with a hippie mom. You’ll lose, because they are like a honey badger(for more information on the honey badger, watch this video).
- Breastfeeding versus formula feeding. This one gets pretty ugly. You’ve got a whole lot of ignorant bitches that think they’re superior for exclusively breastfeeding their babies, and that formula feeding moms are evil for putting that nasty shit in their baby’s bodies. They forget that there are a lot of moms out there(myself included) that just didn’t produce enough milk and couldn’t get jack-squat from pumping. Then you have the completely selfish moms that are eager to tell you all about how they think breast feeding is caveman-like or creepy, and they didn’t want anything to do with it. It turns into carnage, and these ladies are kicking ass and taking names.
- Anything religious or political. This will happen.
- Circumcision. Yeah, this is the worst topic to post about, period. There are a lot of people out there who believe circumcision is a human rights violation. It’s mutilation, messes with their ability to enjoy sex as adults, and compare it to female circumcision in Africa. They post horror stories and videos showing circumcisions in which the dumb-ass doctor used no anesthetics for the procedure. After my son was born, there were some ladies on the birth board that were on the fence about circumcising their son’s. And that’s understandable, because as a mom you want to make the best decision for your son, not to mention you want to make sure your story is not a horror story. I decided to post about my very positive experience with my son’s circumcision. Yeah, bad idea. I’m pretty thick-skinned, but a lot of the responses I got brought me to tears.
If you’re going to talk about a controversial topic on a Baby Center birth board, be prepared to be thrown to the wolves. You just gotta put on your big girl panties and take it with a grain of salt. The reason it is so easy for these bitch moms to be critical and cruel, is because they’re not saying these things to your face. They are safely behind their computer screens, so it is easy. If you ever get sucked into a debate on a birth board, seriously do not give a shit about the reasons other moms think you suck at life. People are always going to criticize your choices as a mom, and if you can’t deal with it coming from strangers, it’s going to be impossible to deal with it coming from friends and family members. The best thing you can do, is what I do. Post that lovely GIF of the deer eating popcorn, and laugh at everyone’s stupidity.