It’s Mother’s day! The day where moms around the world are supposed to be pampered, have the house cleaned for them, and get to be lazy all day while the family fends for themselves. But moms never get a day off. So even though it’s an illusion, it’s a damn good one if you ask me!
This morning Kylan brought me a bag of pretzel m&ms in bed. He hid them from me a few days ago and I thought I’d never get them back! It’s the closest thing I’ll get to a Mother’s day gift, so I’ll take it!
I posted a little thing on Facebook today. Hope it makes you giggle 🙂
You know you’re a mom when….
You’ve said the word “poopie” more times in the last year than “hello”.
You have a pile of to-be folded clothes on your bed that’s been there since noon, and you make a little nest of it and pass out.
You get peed on at least once a week.
You think you may have used the stain stick for longer than you thought, but then later discover your two-year old threw the whole thing in with all the clothes.
You can’t remember the last time you took a crap by yourself.
Most of your mothering experiences involve pee, poop, or puke.
You have multiple bruises below mid-thigh.
You find dog food, mystery liquids, and half-chewed-then-spit-out substances all over the floor.
You wear pajamas more often than anything else.
You have to check the mail in miss-matched shoes because your toddler has hidden one, and no matter how much you beg, he won’t tell you where it is.
Your meals have only one temperature: cold.
You pee a little when you laugh, cough, or let out a big fart.
You know you’re a mom when you go through all the crap I listed above, and want to voluntarily put yourself in a mental institution on some days, but you wouldn’t change it for anything. The kisses, cuddles, hugs, and smiles make everything not only worth it, but comical and amazing. Because only a mom can talk about poop with a smile on her face, or tell you about the time her daughter gave her a third eye when she was tickling her too much…and laughs about it. Only a mom can go through a gigantic ass headache all day, and still love her baby with all her heart at the end of the day, even though he is the one that caused it. Happy Mother’s Day to all my awesome mom friends. You are strong, awesome, and have hilarious tales to tell. Make sure your memory doesn’t go to shit so you can embarrass your kids one day with all these stories.