A blast from the past

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This is supposed to be a car ad for a 1962 Rambler. I know a few car seat safety nazis that will likely have a mini stroke when they see this…. There are a few thoughts I have on this.

  1. How the hell did my mother survive?!
  2. I want to know exactly how they got this kid to hold still. I’m thinking they sedated this baby. I mean, if they didn’t care about car seats in 1962, I’m assuming they weren’t concerned of the possible effects from giving this particular kid morphine for the sake of this car ad.
  3. I am so glad I live in today’s advancement for car seat safety standards. I’m paranoid as shit, it’s very likely I would have never driven anywhere if this were me driving and that was my kid.
  4. On that note, if that were me, and that kid was my son, there’s no effing way he would actually sit in the seat. He would be EVERYWHERE in that car.
  5. HOW THE HELL DID MY MOTHER SURVIVE??!!
  6. Those are some sweet ass baby shoes.
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The dark side of the sea otter

I’ve always loved sea otters. When I was a child, we would stand by the docks on the beach and watch them roll around in the water, being all cute, adorable and furry. When we go to the zoo, seeing the sea otters in their habitat is my favorite… they go down their little water slide, play with each other, and ham it up for the crowd. But there is something about sea otters you don’t know. They have a dark side. A dark side so disturbing, I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry at my lost innocence.

Sea otters are rapists. RAPISTS!! Not only do they rape each other, but they rape baby seals. BABY FREAKING SEALS! And they kill them in the process. So they are murderers as well. These cute, furry, fun little creatures are baby seal raping murderers. According to an article on The Discovery Channel, male otters that are pushed out of other groups where other male sea otters are dominant. They are sexually frustrated, and so they rape and kill baby sea otters. Lovely. And PETA says people are evil? Wild animals are pretty evil too, apparently….

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Thank you, Discover Channel, for ruining the way I feel about the sea otter.

 

Happy 4/20!

I would be a terrible food blogger and ex-stoner if I didn’t post a few recipes in spirit of 4/20. It’s 2013, and there are recipes out there that go above and beyond the special brownie. For the record, I do not condone illegal activity. But I also don’t really give a shit what you do, and I love pot-infused food, so I choose to share these recipes with you 🙂 So if that’s your thing, get your bake on!

Simple Cannabutter

Aaahhhh, cannabutter. It looks a lot like jarred baby vomit, doesn’t it? It’s good for toast, bagels, and any food that utilizes butter. You’ll need this for the following recipes. You can snag this recipe on Food Republic.

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Peanut butter blasted brownies. So it’s a brownie….with peanut butter….and pot. Sounds pretty good to me. I found this recipe on Good & Baked!

Strawberry-Banana-Marijuana-Pancakes

Shit just got real with these strawberry banana marijuana pancakes. I am drooling over here! I’m going to second the advice Stupid Dope gives for this recipe; eat these on the weekends. Unless you work from home, or feel like being an idiotic zombie all day. But that’s probably not a good idea.

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Ganja guacamole. Holy guacamole Batman! This recipe is on Culinary Cannabis. I recommend taking some of this with you to Chipotle and putting it in your own burrito. Awwww yeeeeeeah.

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RED FREAKIN VELVET CUPCAKES. Need I say more? Get the recipe on Marijuana.com

All about my….

I came across this gem today, and I just couldn’t pass it up! I didn’t complete the title, because I knew people would be afraid to click on it.

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  1. A furby toy.
  2. Not gross.
  3. Hatch.
  4. It did not look like it got into a bar fight and lost after giving birth.
  5. Those cat treats that come in the containers you shake to get its attention.
  6. The souls of men.
  7. The Cadbury bunny.

Obsessed with peanuts

My two year old is your typical man; when he falls in love with something, that’s literally all he wants. I do not look forward to the day he meets Palmela Anderson, good lord… Anyway, he recently discovered that peanuts are amazing. And it’s all he wants to eat. Seriously. I’ve heard the words peanuts please more times in the last several days than I care to admit.

At first I was like okay, if he loves them so much, he can eat them all he wants with his other meals. I was fine with it, until approximately 12 hours later when he took the most disgusting shit in the universe. I mean it was like rotten peanut butter. Chunky peanut butter. I bet that gave you a pretty awesome visual didn’t it? Now every time I open that god forsaken can of peanuts I gag, because all I can smell is peanut poop. PEANUT POOP.

How do you tell your two-year old they have an addiction problem? Is there such a thing as peanut rehab? There should be. If there was, we’d be on the next flight to Florida(from all the intervention episodes I’ve seen, most rehab centers are in Florida).

This kid has eaten so many peanuts in the last week, I’m surprised he hasn’t given birth to Mr. Peanut.

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Happy birthday to the grumpy cat!

I am not one to be taken hold of by internet sensations, but I fucking love Tartar Sauce aka grumpy cat! She’s tiny, has a short tail, a fucked up looking face and a bad-ass personality. What’s not to love about her? I am obsessed with the memes of her all over the internet, and every day I go to the grumpy cat official website to check out the daily grump. She even has an adorable brother, swoon!!

Well today Tartar Sauce turns one-year old! Happy birthday Tard, I hope it’s an awful one!

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